When You are Tempted to Withhold Your Child From Your Ex-Spouse

Divorce may be a time when you feel bitter towards your soon to be ex-spouse. You are ready to disentangle your life from the other person. Yet, if children are involved you will probably always be at least somewhat tied to the ex-spouse. This reality may be so difficult for some people to face that it may cause them to try to minimize the other parent’s involvement in the children’s lives. They may think they know what is in the children’s best interest. But really they want to “get back” at the other partner. I have heard of well-meaning people making it difficult for the other parent to see his or her children. Whatever the reason, a parent risks losing a lot of time with their child if he/she is keeping that child from the other parent.

 

Withholding a child can be done without realizing it. This can be done in subtle ways such as saying negative things about the ex-spouse, or sharing details of your divorce situation with the child. It can also be done on purpose. One blatant example might be not being home when the other parent comes to spend time with the child.

 

Florida family courts prefer a shared custody arrangement that allows both parents to enjoy plenty of time with the child(ren). The court will always attempt to establish child custody (or time sharing) based on the best interests of the child. In order to do this, the court will look at the behavior of the parents. Parents who try to keep children away from the other parent actually increase the degree of parental conflict which increases the courts need to become involved as the other parent will voice his or her disagreement with the way they are being treated. The court will favor the parent whom they believe will best facilitate their child’s relationship with the other parent. In the midst of divorce a person may make rash choices, but the court, not wrapped up in emotions, will make strict decisions when someone keeps a child from the other parent.

The court will also look for each parent’s willingness to honor the time-sharing schedule and the ability to be reasonable when changes occur. They will consider each parent’s ability to take care of the child’s needs as opposed to his/her own. The mental, physical, and emotional health of the parents is also considered in making a determination.

 

Whether a divorcing parent is withholding the children purposely or unwittingly, it needs to cease. Social science research is clear. Children usually develop best and experience a healthier outcome when they have secure and loving relationships with both parents. A parents first concern should be the well being of the children. Children deserve two parents that are 100% committed to meeting the child’s needs in the best way possible. You may not have nice feelings towards your ex-spouse but this should not get in the way of doing what’s best for the child(ren). If you are having the urge to keep your child from the other parent, it is best to seek the advice of a counselor or therapist.

 

As a family lawyer, I am here to help you through the divorce process and offer legal support along the way. You can contact me at 904-241-0012 and learn more here:
http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/

 

Caring for Yourself During Tough Times

It is important to take time for self care during trying times. Some of the obvious ideas are to get a massage or luxuriate in a bubble bath. But here are some other suggestions:

- Eat healthy meals. It can be easy to reach for the junk food during times of stress, but this is when you need nutrients the most.

 

- Wear comfortable clothes. The more comfortable you feel the more comfortable you will be!

 

- Go offline. Take a break from reading the latest news headlines, or Facebook posts. Spend some time unplugged.

These are just a few ideas. Here are 70 different ways to care for yourself. See which ones resonate with you and schedule time to take care of you! Read it here: http://www.abundancetapestry.com/70-ways-for-self-care/

Social Media and Divorce

Facebook was intended to bring people together, old friends and new. However, social media such as Facebook and Twitter can be a nuisance, a hinderance, or downright destructive during divorce proceedings.

 

When someone is going through a difficult time such as a divorce they may be tempted to vent their feelings on social media outlets, but even innocent posts can harm your case. Indeed, 81% of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers members have used or discovered evidence on social media websites. It is important to be careful. What you say on that Facebook post can be used against you. Be aware that untruthful comments can result in libel action against you. Call up a good friend or meet with a therapist or your attorney instead. These people are in a better position to help you. If you think this isn’t serious business, one recent study says that 66% of online divorce evidence comes from Facebook!

Another interesting statistic says that one in five US marriages end in divorce at least partially due to Facebook. Perhaps accepting a friend request from your former flame isn’t such a great idea. Often times the past is better left in the past.

 

It may also be necessary to avoid social media sites to protect your safety. Avoid “checking in” to locations. This could allow a violent spouse to know exactly where you are. Don’t post photos of yourself at social gatherings. Don’t allow other friends to tag you in photos or check you in at locations. Additionally, you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse probably have many mutual friends on Facebook. You may want to consider limiting who can see certain posts or shutting down your social media accounts entirely until legal proceedings are settled.

During this phase of your life it is best to rely on in-person communications. Stay off the social media and deal with the situation in front of you. There are many people who can support you during this time. Feel free to call my office if you have questions about this topic or about divorce proceedings- 904-241-0012 or online at

http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/lawyer-in-jacksonville-beach-florida.html

 

What I Offer as Your Attorney

My clients are typically in a difficult time in their life when they come see me.

They may be afraid.

They may be sad.

They may be worried about finances

...or their children.

 

I help you through these situations by building a trusting relationship with you.

I know how difficult divorce can be.

I know life can seem bleak afterwards.

I can help you preserve healthy family relationships.

I can guard your children’s best interest.

I want to put hope back into your life.

http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/

 

Is Florida Alimony on the Verge of Change?

Florida alimony will continue to be a hot issue in the legislature. But one thing's for certain. The current law is going to change. It’s just a matter of when and how. Governor Rick Scott vetoed that last attempt to change the law. The largest point of contention was the retroactive provision. Had the law passed, people who have been receiving alimony and depend on it would have lost access to these funds. People who would be affected by the new law protested loudly against it. Also, constitutional scholars questioned the legality of the retroactive provision. The US Constitution prohibits states from passing new laws that disable prior contracts.

Compromise will be necessary if the alimony reformers want change. Reformers say the law is antiquated and needs to be adjusted to reflect the current economic status of both husbands and wives. Here is an interesting link to an NPR talk about the alimony debate: http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2013-05-20/debate-over-ending-lifetime-alimony

Transitioning After Divorce

You have concluded your divorce. Now what? During the process you probably didn’t think much about what life might look like on the other side. You will need to take time to care for yourself and to reflect on the life-change you just went through. Give yourself this time to regroup physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Take time to put your situation into perspective. Remember why you made the choice you did and realize you can make new choices now. Form a list of benefits to your new situation. Keeping a journal during this transition can be helpful.

It is important to find activities that you and your children enjoy. Try to build new connections and create new memories with them in this new phase of life. Build a new sense of family. Here is a helpful article to offer more ideas: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/after-the-divorce-dealing-with-personal-and-family.html

Dividing Property and Debt in a Divorce

During divorce there is more to consider than just the legal portion. You must also think about how to divide assets, and debt. It also helps to understand what tax issues you will face.

Many parting couples manage to divvy assets by a “bartering” method. ie You take this and I’ll take that. Another idea is to sell the assets and split the proceeds. A mediator or arbitrator can also be used if a compromise cannot be reached.

In deciding how to handle debt, it’s a good idea to order your joint credit report so you know of all existing debts. Next, use this report to determine which debts are individual and which are joint. It is best to pay off your portion of the debt as soon as possible and allow your spouse to be responsible for his/her part. Agree to share joint debts even though it may seem risky. You never know what the other person will do but you can take responsibility for your part.

For further information you can refer to this article: http://financialplan.about.com/cs/divorceandmoney/a/DivorceIssues.htm