When You are Tempted to Withhold Your Child From Your Ex-Spouse

Divorce may be a time when you feel bitter towards your soon to be ex-spouse. You are ready to disentangle your life from the other person. Yet, if children are involved you will probably always be at least somewhat tied to the ex-spouse. This reality may be so difficult for some people to face that it may cause them to try to minimize the other parent’s involvement in the children’s lives. They may think they know what is in the children’s best interest. But really they want to “get back” at the other partner. I have heard of well-meaning people making it difficult for the other parent to see his or her children. Whatever the reason, a parent risks losing a lot of time with their child if he/she is keeping that child from the other parent.

 

Withholding a child can be done without realizing it. This can be done in subtle ways such as saying negative things about the ex-spouse, or sharing details of your divorce situation with the child. It can also be done on purpose. One blatant example might be not being home when the other parent comes to spend time with the child.

 

Florida family courts prefer a shared custody arrangement that allows both parents to enjoy plenty of time with the child(ren). The court will always attempt to establish child custody (or time sharing) based on the best interests of the child. In order to do this, the court will look at the behavior of the parents. Parents who try to keep children away from the other parent actually increase the degree of parental conflict which increases the courts need to become involved as the other parent will voice his or her disagreement with the way they are being treated. The court will favor the parent whom they believe will best facilitate their child’s relationship with the other parent. In the midst of divorce a person may make rash choices, but the court, not wrapped up in emotions, will make strict decisions when someone keeps a child from the other parent.

The court will also look for each parent’s willingness to honor the time-sharing schedule and the ability to be reasonable when changes occur. They will consider each parent’s ability to take care of the child’s needs as opposed to his/her own. The mental, physical, and emotional health of the parents is also considered in making a determination.

 

Whether a divorcing parent is withholding the children purposely or unwittingly, it needs to cease. Social science research is clear. Children usually develop best and experience a healthier outcome when they have secure and loving relationships with both parents. A parents first concern should be the well being of the children. Children deserve two parents that are 100% committed to meeting the child’s needs in the best way possible. You may not have nice feelings towards your ex-spouse but this should not get in the way of doing what’s best for the child(ren). If you are having the urge to keep your child from the other parent, it is best to seek the advice of a counselor or therapist.

 

As a family lawyer, I am here to help you through the divorce process and offer legal support along the way. You can contact me at 904-241-0012 and learn more here:
http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/

 

Caring for Yourself During Tough Times

It is important to take time for self care during trying times. Some of the obvious ideas are to get a massage or luxuriate in a bubble bath. But here are some other suggestions:

- Eat healthy meals. It can be easy to reach for the junk food during times of stress, but this is when you need nutrients the most.

 

- Wear comfortable clothes. The more comfortable you feel the more comfortable you will be!

 

- Go offline. Take a break from reading the latest news headlines, or Facebook posts. Spend some time unplugged.

These are just a few ideas. Here are 70 different ways to care for yourself. See which ones resonate with you and schedule time to take care of you! Read it here: http://www.abundancetapestry.com/70-ways-for-self-care/

Social Media and Divorce

Facebook was intended to bring people together, old friends and new. However, social media such as Facebook and Twitter can be a nuisance, a hinderance, or downright destructive during divorce proceedings.

 

When someone is going through a difficult time such as a divorce they may be tempted to vent their feelings on social media outlets, but even innocent posts can harm your case. Indeed, 81% of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers members have used or discovered evidence on social media websites. It is important to be careful. What you say on that Facebook post can be used against you. Be aware that untruthful comments can result in libel action against you. Call up a good friend or meet with a therapist or your attorney instead. These people are in a better position to help you. If you think this isn’t serious business, one recent study says that 66% of online divorce evidence comes from Facebook!

Another interesting statistic says that one in five US marriages end in divorce at least partially due to Facebook. Perhaps accepting a friend request from your former flame isn’t such a great idea. Often times the past is better left in the past.

 

It may also be necessary to avoid social media sites to protect your safety. Avoid “checking in” to locations. This could allow a violent spouse to know exactly where you are. Don’t post photos of yourself at social gatherings. Don’t allow other friends to tag you in photos or check you in at locations. Additionally, you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse probably have many mutual friends on Facebook. You may want to consider limiting who can see certain posts or shutting down your social media accounts entirely until legal proceedings are settled.

During this phase of your life it is best to rely on in-person communications. Stay off the social media and deal with the situation in front of you. There are many people who can support you during this time. Feel free to call my office if you have questions about this topic or about divorce proceedings- 904-241-0012 or online at

http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/lawyer-in-jacksonville-beach-florida.html

 

What I Offer as Your Attorney

My clients are typically in a difficult time in their life when they come see me.

They may be afraid.

They may be sad.

They may be worried about finances

...or their children.

 

I help you through these situations by building a trusting relationship with you.

I know how difficult divorce can be.

I know life can seem bleak afterwards.

I can help you preserve healthy family relationships.

I can guard your children’s best interest.

I want to put hope back into your life.

http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/

 

Is Florida Alimony on the Verge of Change?

Florida alimony will continue to be a hot issue in the legislature. But one thing's for certain. The current law is going to change. It’s just a matter of when and how. Governor Rick Scott vetoed that last attempt to change the law. The largest point of contention was the retroactive provision. Had the law passed, people who have been receiving alimony and depend on it would have lost access to these funds. People who would be affected by the new law protested loudly against it. Also, constitutional scholars questioned the legality of the retroactive provision. The US Constitution prohibits states from passing new laws that disable prior contracts.

Compromise will be necessary if the alimony reformers want change. Reformers say the law is antiquated and needs to be adjusted to reflect the current economic status of both husbands and wives. Here is an interesting link to an NPR talk about the alimony debate: http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2013-05-20/debate-over-ending-lifetime-alimony

Transitioning After Divorce

You have concluded your divorce. Now what? During the process you probably didn’t think much about what life might look like on the other side. You will need to take time to care for yourself and to reflect on the life-change you just went through. Give yourself this time to regroup physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Take time to put your situation into perspective. Remember why you made the choice you did and realize you can make new choices now. Form a list of benefits to your new situation. Keeping a journal during this transition can be helpful.

It is important to find activities that you and your children enjoy. Try to build new connections and create new memories with them in this new phase of life. Build a new sense of family. Here is a helpful article to offer more ideas: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/after-the-divorce-dealing-with-personal-and-family.html

Dividing Property and Debt in a Divorce

During divorce there is more to consider than just the legal portion. You must also think about how to divide assets, and debt. It also helps to understand what tax issues you will face.

Many parting couples manage to divvy assets by a “bartering” method. ie You take this and I’ll take that. Another idea is to sell the assets and split the proceeds. A mediator or arbitrator can also be used if a compromise cannot be reached.

In deciding how to handle debt, it’s a good idea to order your joint credit report so you know of all existing debts. Next, use this report to determine which debts are individual and which are joint. It is best to pay off your portion of the debt as soon as possible and allow your spouse to be responsible for his/her part. Agree to share joint debts even though it may seem risky. You never know what the other person will do but you can take responsibility for your part.

For further information you can refer to this article: http://financialplan.about.com/cs/divorceandmoney/a/DivorceIssues.htm

What I Do For You as Your Attorney

As a former prosecutor, I am prepared to fight for your rights in court when necessary and will work with you to resolve your legal issues as effectively and efficiently as possible, so that you can transition to the next stage of your life after divorce.

Maybe you're wondering if you will be eligible for alimony or have to pay it. Maybe you're concerned that you will have limited visitation with your children and that you'll miss special moments in their life. Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed, confused and uncertain about your future and what to do next.

Call me today, no matter what concerns or questions you have regarding your divorce. I will help you resolve your legal issues so that you can move on with new goals and dreams. I believe there is life after divorce, and I want to show you how you can live it to its fullest. 904-241-0012 or visit http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/

What Does the Recent Veto of Senate Bill 718 Mean for You?

On May 1st, Governor Scott vetoed Senate Bill 718, bringing relief to most family law lawyers and recipients of alimony. The bill as proposed would have made major cuts to the alimony laws and would have limited the Courts ability to make sure that women (usually recipients of alimony) were adequately able to provide for themselves and their children. The fact that the law would have applied retroactively is what was most concerning, putting all women who currently receive permanent alimony at risk.

At this point we can see where the legislature intends to go on the issue of alimony and time sharing, and it is a fair prediction that the laws in Florida will be changing. The biggest impact will be on families, particularly families with young children. Married couples make decisions everyday for one spouse, usually the wife, to stay home with the children rather than go back to work. When this decision is made, it is usually a joint decision based on the current financial situation of the family, and the welfare of the children. What it does for women and men is halt their careers and creates a lapse in their career development that typically cannot be regained or takes years to do so. But most families would agree these decisions are made with the best interest of their children in mind, and the children certainly benefit.

So, moving forward, is Florida's position that the spouse staying home with their children should be punished in a divorce by strictly limiting their ability to collect alimony and child support? Only time will tell during next year's legislative session, but it is clear that stay-at-home moms and dads will no longer have the financial protections the current alimony statutes provide if the Alimony Reform movement succeeds. We’ll keep you posted on these developments here on the blog. Learn more about alimony and it’s possible issues here: http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/florida-alimony-lawyer.html

How is Child Visitation Determined?

If you are considering a divorce in Florida and you have children, some of your most important questions may be: What is visitation? What are my rights? How is visitation time scheduled? Determining how to handle the children can be the most difficult part of the divorce process.

The Florida legislature recently passed laws ending the former concepts of primary and secondary child custody as well as visitation, replacing them with "parental time-sharing." There is no use of the concept of “custody” in Florida. The change to time-sharing occurred when many secondary child custodians were caring for the child up to 50% of the time and often providing for the child, yet they were not allotted the same legal rights as the primary caregiver such as making important decisions for the child, yet they were still forced to pay child support. All of this gave the impression that secondary custodians were second-rate parents and had to schedule time to visit their child rather than be real parents. The newer timeshare designation allows equal treatment to both parents. While it is generally believed that a child benefits from spending equal time with both parents, the court still looks for the best interest of the child and rules accordingly.   

In the State of Florida, parents are encouraged to work together and submit a parenting plan to the court. The plan must include a time-sharing schedule that will define the time the child spends with each parent. It can also include a holiday time-sharing schedule, provisions for extra-curricular activities, education, child care, contact between the parents, contact between the children and parents, and out-of-state (or country) travel. If the parents cannot reach an agreement, the court will encourage both parents to work out differences and formulate a plan. If that still doesn’t work, the court will create a parenting plan for the family.

It is important to work with a knowledgeable attorney to determine a time-sharing schedule that works for both sides. The amount of time-sharing a parent receives will affect child support payments as well. If both parents enjoy equal time-sharing, then child support is still calculated using the Child Support Guidelines Worksheet, which is dependent on the parties’ incomes, percentage time-sharing, health insurance, and costs of daycare and uncovered medical expenses. Typically, as the payor’s percentage of time-sharing increases, the less he/she will pay in child support.

Even once a time sharing agreement is reached it may need to be adjusted as years go by. Children get older and their needs change. Parents might change jobs and their ability to stick with the time sharing schedule changes. Changes beyond a parent’s control may cause the time-sharing plan to be impossible to follow. Most times these changes can be addressed amicably. Other times some parents demand that the visitation schedule be strictly adhered to. These issues should be addressed immediately with the help of a family law attorney as soon as possible to ensure the rights of the parent are protected. When an attorney gets involved sometimes a simple letter to the other parent explaining the changes that have happened and suggesting a new schedule of visitation can be very helpful in moving through this change without conflict. The two ex-spouses can change the visitation schedule but the agreement must be approved by the court before it is enforceable.

If you have further questions about time-sharing or are going through a divorce and need guidance in establishing a healthy visitation plan, please call my office today. 904-241-0012 and see http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/jacksonville-beach-child-custody-lawyer.html

Your Attorney Informs You of the Latest in the Alimony Legal Feud

Alimony is a legal obligation on one person to provide financial support to their (former) spouse after marital separation or divorce. Typically in the past this referred to a man continuing to support the woman. However, in recent times this is changing. In America there is now a greater push towards gender equality in alimony cases. In today’s times it is more possible that the man may be entitled to receive alimony funds from the woman.

Florida legislation came very close to passing a reform bill that would have ended permanent alimony. Many are shocked that Governor Rick Scott, who was the final link in the bill’s passage, vetoed the bill in early May. Had it passed, Florida would have been the fifth state to end permanent alimony.  However, supporters of the bill say the battle is far from over and we can expect to see more debate on this issue in the future.

The bill raised controversy especially among female lawmakers. The concern was that people, predominantly women, who have been receiving long term alimony would see this income rescinded if the bill would have passed. These criticisms were met with little sympathy by House bill sponsor Ritch Workman who stated, “I am not interested in protecting women any more than men in this bill. This is a gender neutral bill.” Yet the bill was disputed to be largely male driven as it is typically men who are not big fans of alimony.

It seemed as if the bill would pass and many are surprised at Governor Scott’s stance. In his veto letter he stated his reasons:

Because the subject matter of this bill involves family relationships, numerous Floridians have forcefully expressed their views on the topic.  Many Florida families have been impacted by the difficulties of marital issues, both concerning children and starting over.  As a husband, father and grandfather, I understand the vital importance of family.  In weighing the issues associated with this bill, however, I have concluded that I cannot support this legislation because it applies retroactively and thus tampers with the settled economic expectations of many Floridians who have experienced divorce.

Folks who support the bill say it is unfair for people to continue paying an order that ties them to their ex-spouse for the rest of their life, even during retirement. But those who are against the bill say this legislation is anti-family and anti-women because it punishes women who stay home to support their children. Now they will have no choice but to join the workforce.

Proponents of the bill said it is impossible to maintain the same standard of living as before because one income now must be split between two households. Often times men who pay alimony find this situation puts them at a big disadvantage as they try to move on with their life, or need to support aging parents as the years go by.

Lately I’ve been working with a lot of divorce cases. I prepare you by letting you know in most cases you WILL have to pay alimony, the question is how much and for how long? But I will do everything I can to minimize your exposure. I will continue to follow this issue and keep you informed if and when another bill is presented, which is most likely at some point.  If you are facing a divorce please call my office today. You need someone on your side to ensure your best interests are protected. 904-241-0012 or http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/lawyer-in-jacksonville-beach-florida.html

Making Custody Situations as Easy as Possible

 

If you are in a divorce situation and you have children. I strongly encourage the both of you to form a “parenting plan”. This will allow you to decide together what the best time split for your child(ren) is and is a customized plan for your circumstances. If the two of your work out your own plan that best suits your needs and the needs of the child, the judges don’t have to guess. Your plan can be presented to the court and the court will approve it as long as the custody and visitation rights are understandable.

This customized plan needs to be specific on the times in which the child will be spending time at each household. It also states who will be responsible for making large scale decisions about the child such as which school to attend, or which religion to teach the child. Find out more about this important topic in this article:  http://bit.ly/ZIwE6K

Why I Do What I Do

Opening a law firm has been such an interesting and exciting process. I started my practice out of my home. Eventually I moved to a small office space. Now we have just moved again into a beautiful large space. We’ve added a new attorney to the staff as well as another administrative assistant.

I am proud to have followed in the footsteps of my grandfather and uncle as the third generation to open a law firm in this area. My firm practices family and marital law. We specialize in divorce, custody disputes, alimony, military divorce, domestic violence, and relocation in St. Johns, Duval, Clay, and Nassau counties. I build relationships with my clients based on trust and respect. This allows me to offer excellent representation and the ability to focus on their goals during the litigation process. I offer them a better hope for the future.

I am on the Judicial Relations Committee of the Jacksonville Bar and have moderated the Family Law Judges sidebar luncheon and the Family Law sidebar luncheon with the General Magistrates. I speak frequently at events about the empowerment of women through divorce and alimony protection in divorce. Call me today to arrange a cost-free consultation: 904-241-0012, http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-attorney-consult.html

Getting the Truth About Domestic Violence and Restraining Orders

Domestic violence is a serious situation. Thousands of domestic violence situations arise each month. Luckily the process to get a restraining order in Florida is simple. Getting a restraining order, also called an injunction of protection, is free in our state.

Domestic violence refers to any of the following: any form of assault, aggravated, battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, stalking, aggravated stalking, kidnapping, false imprisonment, and any physical harm caused by another household member. A common misnomer is that this only qualifies in a husband/wife situation. This is not true. Domestic violence also refers to ex spouses, any person related to you either by blood or marriage, a person who has lived in the same house as you, or the mother/father of your child even if you never lived together.

I’d like to share this resource with you on how to get a restraining order in the state of Florida and how to know if you need one. See this informative guide here: http://yhoo.it/14K0wqX

A Bit About Your Attorney, Heather B. Quick

-Graduated Summa Cum Laude from University of North Florida in 1998

-Juris Doctorate from Stetson University in 2000

-Assistant State Attorney in the 13th Judicial Circuit

-Opened law office of Heather B. Quick in 2010

-Third generation to open a law firm in Jacksonville Beach.

What Heather believes in:

- Relationships based on trust is what make her successful

- Helping you move through divorce to create a brighter future

- Preserving healthy family relationships and guarding the children’s best interest

- Re-instilling hope in your life and helping you get to the next chapter without fear or hesitation.

Call the office of Heather B. Quick : 904-241-0012. Learn more here: http://bit.ly/VpYaG6

Division of Property and Debts in Florida Divorce

When you’re married to somebody, you don’t just share a bed and a table, you share a house – a car – a couch – a TV. You share all of your favorite CDs, books and movies; linens and towels; bank accounts, bonds, stocks and properties. You share debt, or “liabilities.” These include mortgages and car loans, credit card accounts and any other amounts of money you and your spouse owed to another party. When you file for a divorce, these things don’t just “disappear”—rather, they’re divided.

In Florida, the distribution of property can either be one of the easiest aspects of divorce, or one of the most complex. It is only easy when both parties agree on who gets what, and who pays off what debts. However, this rarely happens. When the two parties can’t agree, the division of properties is left up to the judge. The judge then calls for an “equitable distribution” of marital assets and liabilities.

Despite the term “equitable,” marital property is divided fairly, but not necessarily equally. How the judge determines who gets what is based off a list of factors that they must first consider. Among those factors, there is duration of marriage, economic circumstance and the contribution of each spouse to the marriage.

To learn more about how your assets might be divided in a Florida divorce, check out the Florida Bar’s page on Property Division at: http://bit.ly/15Z6pxp

Florida Alimony Law: It’s Time for a Change, but Is This the Right Change?

Florida’s alimony laws were created back in a time when women had little to no economic power, when divorce was uncommon and when family values were honored above all else – even in times of unhappiness. Back then, the man was the breadwinner, and the woman the homemaker. Because of this, in Florida, permanent alimony is granted to the under-earning half of a divorcing couple (traditionally the woman), and will continue to be granted until death. There are many people who argue that this is unfair, and that a lifetime is plenty of time for the under-earning spouse to become self-sufficient. These people are pushing for a reform of the existing alimony laws, and an end to permanent alimony.

But these people aren’t taking into account the kinds of problems that this reform could present – to the providers and the receivers alike. There are some situations, yes, where permanent alimony is not appropriate—but then there are just as many, or more, where it is. There are thousands of women who got divorced during a time when women couldn’t easily get jobs – when their job was to stay at home and take care of the children – and if the alimony reform were to pass, those women—women who don’t have any job experience—would be left without any income or any sense of security whatsoever.

Another thing to think about is standard of living: While married, two people share the same standard of living. If you’re married to somebody for a length of time, you become used to the life you and your spouse shared together, but, if the new alimony reform were to pass, a divorce would mean that only one person would get to keep living that lifestyle, while the other would be forced to live far below the standards they had been used to. This not only affects you and your ex, but, if you have children, it drastically affects them as well.

I am not saying that permanent alimony is right for everyone – there are definitely situations in which the under-earning spouse is perfectly capable of going out and getting a good job themselves. But it is not these people I am worried about – it is the current recipients of permanent alimony – women (typically), who were married to their husbands for 20+ years – who took care of their children and the home in lieu of getting a job because they wanted a good home life – who are in jeopardy of losing everything they may or may not have deserved to lose.

Hopefully people will give this reform more thought before it passes and they realize they’ve made a huge mistake. Learn more at: http://bit.ly/ZPukf4

No Situation is Too Bleak to Get the Outcome that is Best for You And Your Children

When you’re going through a divorce, the world can seem dark and the future bleak, especially if children are involved. Your whole world has just been turned on its axis – you’re unsure of what is going to become of you and your children – you don’t know what the next step is, and you’re not quite sure you would be ready for it even if you did know. There are so many issues that need to be resolved, and so many questions left to be answered, before you can even consider moving forward. The process becomes even harder when the life you were living wasn’t planned.

According to a study done by The National Campaign, unplanned pregnancies are the root of many issues, one of which is turmoil between the parents. When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, often times there is reduced relationship happiness, increased conflict and turmoil, and inevitably, a separation. If this has happened to you, you are probably in a state of confusion, anger and hurt. You are also probably unsure of how to proceed, especially if the baby was born before you and your ex decided to get married. This is where I step in.

When you come to me for help, I want you to trust me to get the outcome that is best for you and your children, whatever the situation may be. My goal is to help you preserve the healthy family relationship as much as possible, guard your children’s best interests and reach for an amicable settlement between you and your ex. We can only do this once we’ve established a relationship based on trust – when we have trust, we can improve your chances of success, re-instill hope in your life and help you begin the next chapter in a way that is healthiest for you and your child. 
To see how I can help you through this tough time, check out our website at: http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/

Relocation: How it Might Affect Your Custody Agreement

Once a divorce is finalized and a custody arrangement is agreed upon, many parents think that they are free to do anything and go anywhere they like – so long as they have their children to the other parent at the agreed upon place and time. This is especially true when a move is involved.

Oftentimes, when a parent decides to relocate, they don’t feel a need to talk with their ex about it, and more often than not, they don’t even mention the move until after it is finalized. Not discussing a move with your child’s other parent though can be detrimental to your parental status, and can cause a major disruption in the custody agreement.

If you are moving within a few miles of your current location, you should still discuss it with your child’s other parent, but it should not be a big deal. However, if you are considering a move farther than 50 miles, the situation can become complex. Changes to almost all of the original agreement will have to implemented – everything from visitation, to time sharing and child support—even if you weren’t paying child support before. If you are considering moving out of Florida, matters can grow even stickier.

People move for various reasons: They don’t like the neighborhood they’re in; they get a new job; the schools are better in the new area; housing is cheaper; it’s just time. When you’re single, and you don’t have kids, your reasons for relocation are no one’s business but your own. However, you do have children, and this move will affect them, which is why it is best to speak to a Jacksonville Beach lawyer before anything is set in stone. A lawyer can help you follow the law and protect your rights to move – in the best interests of your child – and to avoid all the hassle and legal problems that are bound to arise if you move on the sly.

If you are considering moving, get the advice of an experienced, knowledgeable lawyer first, or check out our page, Child Custody and Relocation Cases – What You Should Know, at http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/jacksonville-beach-family-law-attorney/child-custody-relocation.html

Divorce Does Not Affect Children – The Fighting Does

Going through a divorce is hard on both the man and woman, no matter what the circumstances are, but it becomes even more painful when there are children involved. Many parents worry over issues like, When will I see my child? Will I have to pay child support? Where can I move to? Who will be in charge of the major life-rearing decisions? And the big one, How do I let my child know that this was not their fault? All of these concerns are valid, and are good questions to think about – in a civil manner. Yet, many couples, when they split up, can’t make it past the emotional turmoil and oftentimes blinding anger, to make these decisions in a calm, courteous fashion. Whether they mean to or not, divorcing couples unwittingly drag their children into a battle of “He said this” or “She did that” – a battle that leaves the children confused and unsure of which parent is right – or, in a child’s mind, which parent is the “Good guy.” And, despite the parents’ best intentions, this fighting leaves the children feeling like the whole mess is their fault.

Emotional Toll of a High-Conflict Divorce on Your Child

In high conflict divorce cases, the parents become so caught up in their disagreements that they can’t make a single decision regarding their children without involving the courts. Compromising is out of the question, so decisions like holiday and vacation schedules – time and place of exchange – daycare – healthcare – extracurricular activities and who will attend parent -teacher conferences all become points of contention that turn every aspect of parenting in a burden.

Numerous studies have been done that show that it’s not the divorce itself that affects the children – it is the fighting and harsh words that follow that do. High conflict divorce is the cause for many behavioral and emotional disturbances in children, and, depending on a number of other factors, it can leave a lasting impression on a child for years to come. How your child reacts to conflict depends on:
• the age of your child
• the intensity of the conflict
• the degree of violence or fear of violence associated with the conflict
• the degree and length of time in to which your child has been exposed to all of the conflict or just fragments of it
• the psychological health of your child

Age is a hugely important factor in determining how your child might react to conflict between you and your ex. See how your child might react, and how you can make the whole process easier on them:

Infants and Toddlers

Your child begins to develop a basic understanding of trust and relationships between the ages of 0 and 3. Because of this, all children in this age group require a level of predictability, consistency and routine that will help them feel secure in their parents’ love for them. If you and your spouse decide to get a divorce during this time in your child’s life, they experience a loss that they can’t comprehend, as well as a major disturbance in their routine. When this happens, it is crucial to the development of your child that they maintain the same kind of contact with both you and your ex that they had before, as well as a similar routine. If there is conflict, problems such as separation anxiety, depression, withdrawal, regression and even developmental delays can occur.

Preschoolers

Children between the ages of 3 and 5 are just beginning to develop their ability to understand language, feelings and relationships. Gender role identification is developing as well. In a healthy divorce situation, children can go about their home and school lives as normal, and enter kindergarten with high self-esteem and confidence. However, if your divorce is unhealthy, your preschooler will experience serious regression and anxiety. They can become confused because they don’t understand what is going on around them. They regress at activities such as toilet-training, sleeping and feeding, even if they were doing all perfectly fine before. Emotions such as irritability, and behavior like clinging, arise; if the conflict between you and your ex continues, your child can become aggressive and anxious. In some instances, however, they will view the divorce as their own fault, so they will try to become the “perfect child,” and neglect their own needs in favor of what you want. Though this is normal in the first year of divorce, if it continues after the first year, it could be a sign of a larger problem.

School Aged Children

School aged children thrive on structure and routine. This is a time in their lives when they form relationships with peers, learn the social rules, develop their creativity and establish their own rules. At this age, your child is beginning to differentiate between “fair” and “unfair.”
The years between your child’s 6th and 12th are also years where they begin to understand their own feelings, and learn how to express them in an appropriate way. How they develop in these areas will affect their self-esteem, as well as their relationships with you and your ex – preferring to do some activities with you, and others with the other – which is why divorce is already a very hard time for children of this age group.

If your child is old enough to understand the implications of divorce, they are also able to understand that your family is no longer a single unit – that they will have to do everything with mom during a given time, and with dad during another. If your child is on the younger end of the spectrum, they may experience sadness and longing for the return of your family unit; if your child is on the older end, they can become angry. Behaviors such as tantrums, regression, sleep deprivation, academic problems and aggression aren’t uncommon. If your divorce is a difficult one, however, your child may feel directly responsible; but, this age is all about fairness, so they will either try to please both you and your ex, or try to fix your marriage. Both of these scenarios are harmful to your child, as they can become overwhelmed by and vulnerable to each of your wants and needs, and neglect their own.

Adolescents

Teenagers are a lot like two year olds in that they’re beginning to gain independence – but this time, from their family. Some adolescents do this by acting out, while others do it in a more healthy fashion, one that includes their parents. No matter which group your child falls into, though, one thing is certain: Teenagers are moody, and tend to be reactive in their emotions. They are already feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of their friends and peers; they use poor judgment; and they are socially insecure. This is a hard time for you and your child alike, even in an intact home.

When a divorce happens at this point in your child’s life, already high emotions run even higher. They feel the loss of your family life more strongly – they feel unnecessary responsibility and guilt – and they feel profound anger. Teenagers are naturally self-centered as it is, so when their life is disrupted in this way, they can only think of how it’s affecting them. If you make it hard for them, they will begin to act out. Academic failure, depression, suicide, promiscuity and substance abuse are just a few of the corruptions your child may experience if you and your ex are too caught up in your own fight to notice what is happening in your teen’s life.

Don’t Make the Process Harder Than it Already Is

Divorce is an already extremely hard and emotionally trying time in both yours and your children’s lives. We know that you didn’t enter your marriage expecting to one day part ways for good, so it is understandable to feel anger – hurt – betrayal and even sadness when that time does come. But what you have to keep in mind during the whole process is that: Your children are innocent bystanders. You and your ex may no longer be husband and wife, but to your children, you’re still Mom and Dad. And you need to act like it.

Divorce does not need to be a battle. There is a better and easier way to be heard by your ex, and to get what you want out of the process. In fact, the smoother the process is – the less fighting that there is – the faster everything will be over, and the sooner you will be able to get on with your life. If you have children, and you’re going through a divorce that you just want to be over, contact our office today. We can help you come up with a plan that works best for your situation, that is healthiest for you and your children, and that will get you on the road to recovery and happiness in no time!

Celebrity Divorce

This is a light hearted article on the different outcomes of celebrity divorce. From the ugly  breakups to those that resulted more positively, this article goes to show some of the most interesting facets of divorce cases. I just want to highlight a couple of them.

The first one is the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise situation. According to this article, they both dragged their daughter, Suri, into the whole public opinion fiasco and tried to garner public support in their favor. The article’s opinion is that they put their daughter’s needs after their own personal agendas. No child should have to endure this. A divorce is hard enough on the children and they don’t have to be used as poster kids by their parents.

On the flip side is the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant case. Divorce is bad for all parties concerned but as can be seen in this particular case, as long as both parties are willing, a divorce case can also result to the couple not breaking up afterall. Sometimes hardship can make a couple stronger. Read the full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-lake/when-the-vows-break-celeb_b_2592692.html

Self-Care During Divorce

Divorce is a difficult stage to experience. It is stressful and you may often wonder, “When will it be over?” You also discover you need to find new ways to relate to the things in your life. Suddenly the old rules no longer apply. You may need to find new ways of thinking about your house, your kids, your money. It is easy to let the stress take over and to forget completely about taking time for self-care during this time.

I encourage you to take time to do something special for yourself. One friend I know would purchase a special treat for herself every time she left her attorney’s office. Another purchased fresh flowers each week. This applies to men too. Do something for yourself that reminds you that you are worthwhile and valuable! Please do not hesitate to call us if you have questions during your divorce process: 904-241-0012 or visit us at http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com/

What to Look For in A Family Lawyer

Family feuds and other kinds of altercations among family members are easily solved when they agree to work it out altogether. Yet this isn’t always possible. In such cases the best way to reach an agreement is to get a capable family lawyer. Here are some important things that a proficient lawyer should have:

·       Education- Family attorneys must obtain a Juris Doctorate (JD), a post-graduate law degree.

·       Bar Exam- In order to become a family lawyer, the law student must pass the state’s bar exam. The bar exam tests the law student’s knowledge in state and federal law and professional ethics as well.

·       Bar Application- The law student’s bar application must be complete with the following contents: criminal history, credit records and history of civil litigation. They will also be required to provide names and other information for professional references.

·       Litigation Experience - This is also important to consider. The law student must have litigation experience in the area of family law, working with private practice attorneys or working with a judge.

·       Family Law Experience - It is a must that the family attorney is a certified mediator who is licensed through the state bar or local courts. This is a separate process from the general bar examination.

These items are important to take note of when you are looking for a lawyer to handle your case. Visit us today to learn more: http://www.jacksonvillebeachlawyer.com

Finding the Best Divorce Lawyer in Jacksonville Florida

Divorce is painful but this process is just as important as marriage, and it is certainly not easy. Good thing there are professionals who know how to help and guide you in handling these difficult situations.

In filing a divorce the couple is bound to undergo processes in which the presence of a competent attorney is important. This is where family attorneys are experts and they will stand by their client’s side until an agreement has been reached. The attorney will strive to ensure that his or her client is provided the best possible settlement out of the divorce. Yet, there are a lot of things to consider before hiring a divorce lawyer and here are few of the most important ones:

Experience

It is important that the attorney who will handle your case already has experience in this field. It is also important to consider the fact that he or she has been primarily practicing in the field of divorce law. There are many aspects of law. You will want to work with someone who specializes in this niche.  With her expertise in this area, your attorney should be able to use her knowledge to guide you through each step of the process and every stage of negotiation.

Divorce can be simple or complex depending on the number of assets involved and whether children are involved. It is critical to work with someone who can hold your hand through a simple case, or provide step by step guidance through more difficult cases.

Good communicator

Your attorney must have good and open communication with you and be responsive during the time you are working with her. A good divorce lawyer should be able to return your calls and reply to messages promptly. Never underestimate the power of strong and prompt communication!

Sensitive towards client

This doesn’t mean that the lawyer has to like the same bands as you or love your favorite food. But a competent lawyer must be able to help you understand your desires when they may be difficult to put into words. Your attorney and you must work together as a team to carefully decide the best approach to your individual case.

Good Track Record

It is important to know how your attorney has performed in the past. It is easy to look online and read reviews about an attorney and their law firm. You can see if the reviews are positive and get a sense of how this lawyer has represented others in cases similar to yours.

These are the top 4 things that you need to remember when hiring a good family attorney. They should not only be effective in communication but they should also be able to make their clients comfortable and represent them in the most professional way. So if you are seeking a divorce lawyer with a recognized name, you must also be able to make sure that he or she is also someone you can truly trust. Call me today. Let’s see if we are a good match to work together. http://bit.ly/11UyqHo